Pulling the Plug


Having lived in Sacramento for a long time it rarely rains, part of the reason I wanted to get the heck out of there. Too hot, too dry, no trees, too flat.
Awesome, a flood warning and “downpours” for Sunday morning. Brilliant.

My son is home sick again and now I feel phantom aches and tickles is my throat.

This marathon has been quite the orchestra of arranging details not just of my life, but other people’s lives so John and I could leave town. It’s not like we have a 9-5 Monday thru Friday job. I feel a bit of guilt, a decent amount.
My biggest (not my sole) problem has been my worry and over thinking. I over think a lot. Like a lot a lot. But I’ve got to say I’ve got pretty stellar instincts so it’s quite the mental war of ration and gut feeling. A few months ago when I was running with Diane I confessed that trying to go fast was hard. She asked me, ” Do you think it’s easy for me?!” I paused and really thought about my answer. “Ya. I kinda do think it’s easy for you.” Well it’s not. It’s not easy for anyone all the time. Maybe they just are not bitching and over thinking every freaking step. Wow. Epiphany. Pretty much from that moment on I realized running and a good deal of life is not rocket science. Shocking. Funny thing happened, my runs improved dramatically. On long tempo runs when I’d look at my stupid Garmin my brain would be saying, “um Becca your not supposed to go that fast (*fast being relative of course). You can’t really go that fast so maybe you should ease up because you will fade real quick” or some bull shit like that. So I stopped looking at my dam watch and said to myself, literately I was speaking out loud, “It’s not rocket science. Just run. You freak.” Ok well I didn’t say the freak part but you get the idea. So despite or in spite of the sick kid at home, the leg, the gulit, and the potential downpour I’m over the worry. Maybe something clicked. maybe?

My running friends are different than my non running friends. Not better just, I don’t know, different. Yesterday a good buddy surprised me and dropped off a book for me.

It’s just what the doctor ordered. Funny timing of the gift; the book also had some light bulb moments of putting things into perspective and not spending energy with nonsense.
So I’m pulling the plug on worry and over thinking. I think I might find I have more energy.
Are you an over thinker? How does the mental war of ration and instincts play out in your world?

3 thoughts on “Pulling the Plug

  1. You are the biggest overthinker I know. And I still love you.And if it rains too hard, wear your water wings and have fun!

    Date: Thu, 29 Nov 2012 17:41:57 +0000 To: pmcarp@msn.com

  2. Over thinkers unite! Seriously though, this is time to put it away. Seems that the book was delivered right on time. You have put in your work and training. Mental focus needs to be on the calmer side of Becca (if it does truly exist in you somewhere… maybe deep in there) You can do this. flood or not. We are all here for you Becca!

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